I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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