I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize