the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
