He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
