There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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