Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
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