Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Randomize