her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Randomize