everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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