sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
