24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
