I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
