take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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