i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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