totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
