Umm I'm too high to move.
I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
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