i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
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