I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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