4 words: hood of his car
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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