there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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