This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
