So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
They took my balls.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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