my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize