She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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