I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Randomize
