I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
