Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
someone owes me an orgasm
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Randomize
