At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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