I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
