just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
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