I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
