Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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