so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
