is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
