i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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