Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
