Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
