oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Just pee around me
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize