Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
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