The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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