We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
You left your underwear on the fireplace
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
