I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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