i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
