hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
As shirtless as possible
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
