Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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