Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize