YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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