Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
In America we eat man semen.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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