Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
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