Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Randomize
