Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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