I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Randomize
