i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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