Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
