We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
