just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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