Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
