a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
