Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
Randomize
