ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
Randomize
