did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
can u get pink eye on your cock?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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