i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
