she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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