I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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