It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You were trust falling into bushes
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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