I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
