It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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