Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
