I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
