she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
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