Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
