there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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