we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
only you would photoshop your dick
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
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