he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
