I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Randomize
