Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Randomize
