Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
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