Where did you get a picture of my penis
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
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