i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
