I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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