uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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