small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
