guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
