girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
