Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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