fuck your aforementioned shoe
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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