a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
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SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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