Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
