They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
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