Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Still dying that you shit outside
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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