When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
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