I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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