I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
