Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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