i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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