I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
