Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
