My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
