on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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