i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
