I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
