Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
